Dig

I began to dig within me and found a seed. A very small seed was it, and it was a seed of confusion. I dug further along, and saw that I had planted many seeds of confusion. But then I remembered, in a corner, elsewhere, I had only a few seeds of selflessness, joy, giving, and perseverance–so I watered those seeds and began to nurture them.

Dear friends, remember yourselves. Be good, and don’t look back on guilty pleasures. Also, learn to love, because you are still young, and you don’t know it well enough.

 

The Birds are molting. If only man could molt also — his mind once a year its errors, his heart once a year its useless passions. -James Allen (1864-1912)

 

 

 

 

 

When You Listen in the Woods

Don’t look at me like I’m such a fool. Don’t swoon me with your impertinent jokes, tossing poetry to the dogs of pithy laughs. I am sensitive and weak. Right, it is true that I think of myself too lowly, and that my mind often wonders to the foundations of the heart. Let me be, let me curl up here, shrink from those I know and love, let me be unknown by anyone; there is sometimes more comfort in a stranger’s eyes. I’ll wake up to find my purpose. Tomorrow’s light is always better than the evening.

I saw myself dying with a desire to see God, and I knew not how to seek that life other than by dying. Over my spirit flash and float in divine radiancy the bright and glorious visions of the world to which I go. -Saint Teresa of Avila

And as I take a moment to pause from writing this I hear from outside my window the sounds from a struggling young cat, probably defending itself from the grippings of an owl or hawk. It’s night, and the rain has passed. I soon hear a cracking branch finding path-to-ground.

Debunks and trip advisories

I realize that most writing is derived from the motivation to proclaim, of course a message for everyone in capable reach to be enlightened or informed.

In cases such as “our times”, the time of now, so much information and proclamations are made by millions continually, its hardly practical or necessary to voice yet another. 

So here I write. In my defense, its in these times of clutter one needs to disembroil the horrid, tangled strings of jargon and expound on the essential truths. The need to voice the freshly gathered basics is merely an emotional need for approval; that what I am about to say is quite alright (the head hasn’t gone too mad yet, that is), and that others agree (in this very statement are a number of contradictions swirling). Backtracking, the essential truths are found living in nature and relying on its supplies significantly for some time, to gain clearity I’m sure I already know.

I started journaling a couple days ago the following:

I am jealous beyond belief of nature’s quiet pleasures. My vicarious dispositions lead me to both romantic and arduous quenching of not particularly the soul, but probably the self. The desire to be alone in nature and unknown in a place are only more real now, they overwhelm, and exceed the astronomical feats of self-centeredness—the inner workings of self-absorbed thought—go above and before my need for most friendships and relationships. Wants and desires. I am aware that being alone is not at all as pleasant as it sounds. Indeed, I’ve tasted it much like drinking salt water trying to relieve thirst. I am also aware that extended periods of time in nature result to hardships never thought of, and that the expectation of something grand really isn’t grand at all in the moments of experience–rather grandness is a term we apply when experience becomes memory. Extended periods of time in nature are shortly said, attempts at finding ground—adhering to the basics of living. The desire to be alone could arguably be the pride of self-sufficiency talking, the desire to be an exclusive witness for nature’s rare moments, and also for the opportunity to actually be discovered by God, self and others. 

Essentially I’m a hedonist trying to remain an ascetic.

I think when I wrote that, I was trying to tarnish all the beauty I had just seen, and those rare but unforgettable moments of pure, delightful gifts of joy. Make them a dream so I won’t want to go back so soon.

Its evident that being in nature, walking in nature is important. It becomes ones job in nature–the goal and the focus is to keep moving and relying completely on the body to get there. The landscapes and surrounding details of life, metaphors instilled in every crevice are surly highlights to look forward to.

It seems that the more experiences, the more one simply can’t stop fantasizing of more.

 

More–the plague of human desire–of the most destructive concepts on earth. And this brings me back to my accusations that all of this thinking and writing I am doing right now about this very matter, might be selfish enough not to attempt (or am I just trying to drive a ring of fear around my neck to prevent me from—?)

This my friends, is what I thought of, not during my venture out West, but the aftermath. I’m home now, the beauty of mountains and details in desert are no longer in front of me to distract my nearly possessed mind. I am alone among people I am familiar with, people I love. Yet I can’t seem to find satisfaction with my being with them. I don’t necessarily meet the expectations of our culture’s life course suggestions, and especially I am uncomfortable if I for some reason don’t meet those marks when I am passed my prime (really, I’ve missed a few already). Its the hints becoming louder that certain paths really are before you.

We climbed atop the Sierra and Nevada Falls in Yosemite. The mountain water was the best water I’ve tasted. Cleaner than I’ve ever let slide past my tongue. I just didn’t want to leave, and wanted to take the water with me, and my brother and I agreed that this is the very problem, and indeed the state is in obvious draught. We were grateful for the privilidge to beset truly holy ground. It was so beautiful, and the experience we were breathing was such an intentional gift.

Go Down the Rabbit Hole: A Writer’s Manifesto

Very well written. Writing, painting, creative processes of any kind, are exercise and work. Without practicing these elements of wonder on a daily basis, inspiration has no source.

Writing for Digital Media

1. You are the work. The work is you: both an articulation of the self and a possibility for self-reflection. Be honest in creation: allow yourself to bleed into the work, but also allow it to work on you. Your work can show you things: illuminate and clarify your own thoughts, motivations, actions. If you do it right, you will find the work changing you, too.

2. Thinking is process. Laying on the floor. Sitting on park benches. Getting lost on purpose. These are all working. Learn the difference between mindless distraction and mindful wandering.

3. Go down the rabbit hole. Sometimes the work isn’t about what you think it is. Allow yourself to get lost down alleyways, to follow a train of thought around a corner. Don’t feel you need to reign yourself in. Too much focus squeezes all the possibility for revelation out of the work.

4. Fear…

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Permanent Alizarin Crimson

It’s so beautiful stand-alone, with transparent and vibrant cool-red characteristics. It can be quite mixable; producing beautiful purple-greys when mixed with various blues, hardy orange-yellows, and an even more solid, opaque reds when mixed with cadmium reds. Let’s just say, it’s a bombshell color.

However, the color isn’t exactly what I’m planning to describe further. You can guess, another metaphor. To live and write boldly, believing wholeheartedly in chances and imaginative forethoughts—because poor reality, we know, only allows for so much believed glory to be true—and sometimes its only true in a few senses. Things are not always as they seem. Like, when I mix the color, it’s not the same—contaminated by another, it’s cosmetic chemistry changed. Sometimes the newly mixed color can be just as captivating as the former straight from the tube—but it takes a lot of research and a lot of experimenting to see what colors prove most desirable, and depending on what effects are desired. Sometimes the mixes are absolutely horrid; dull, uninteresting, useless. I’m trying to do less useless things in life. 

All in all, keep trying different methods of mixing—keep trying different methods of doing what it is you most want to achieve, dans la vie. Forgive me, because I need so much self-encouragement to get me there.

Empowering the Least of These: Recycling Unfulfilled Potentials in Lancaster City

Lately the conversations my brother and I have been sharing are about how to quite literally, recycle people. Our personal ties and beliefs rooted the plant of compassion deeply within us. The storm has past now, the waters have settled. We want healing for all. Now is the time to build a stronger house to motivate success and positive pride toward change–so that by grace when the storms come again, this house and my family won’t be falling down.

We sense a personal responsibility to make a way for individuals effected by suffering situations, such as the formerly incarcerated, family members of the incarcerated, or at risk individuals. It’s not even about pity or even prevention; for us its about honesty in knowing these people personally, and wanting an improved life for them out of genuine love. Its personhood, its brotherly love, forgiveness.

Forbes Magazine published the article, Why Ex-cons Make Great Entrepreneurs proposing the entrepreneurial integrity ex-cons may have, because many of them already have strong leadership skills and entrepreneurial experiences based off previous experiences or criminal dealings. Catherine Rohr is the founder of The Prison Entrepreneurship Program (PEP), in which inmates are and educated through an MBA-level curriculum, and connected with exceptional business and academic talent to expand the potential of felons. The program now prides itself with proof of transformation, reducing recidivism significantly for its members.

Rohr later resigned from PEP and established a new non-profit in New York City, an organization that operates outside prison walls called Defy Ventures,  developed to catalyze the skills and business success opportunities for the formally incarcerated. Defy allows motivated ex-cons the opportunity to propose and unfold real business plans, with seed financing and mentorships available to promote their start.

Lancaster City is known for the blossom of its downtown life, an obvious change from 15 years former that only locals would recognize. With a budding arts community and the well-fed attraction from a handful of unique and exceptional restaurants, Lancaster has attracted the implantation of hundreds of new residents. Yet as promising and positive these factors are, there still remains the rest of the Lancaster City community; afflicted with low-wage households and stumped opportunity, which often connects to high recidivism rates of those with criminal backgrounds, and leads a negative example toward the related youth.

Deviant criminal energy can be re-directed toward successful, legal plans. Lancaster County Prison encases potentials, if we can observe from that perspective.  If mentored and challenged similarly through programs like Defy and PEP, qualified ex-offenders could contribute a whole new host of services to the hopeful city of Lancaster.

With the growth of Lancaster City’s downtown life, entrepreneurial encouragement, and the overshadowed potential of Lancaster’s former prisoners, an opportunity to fuse the two together for empowerment of the city exists. As complicated as crime life is, there is always the light in some individual that keeps burning due to genuine transformation, and we must feed that fire with opportunity and skill sharing.

I hope to see more individuals like Lancaster local, Jennifer Oehme Knepper  advocating the healing of criminal issue roots. A number of non-profits and programs are making current efforts to empower the lives of affected individuals and families, I want to see them grow, too.  Let’s start a conversation.

Art as Career: Six “from ground, up” ways to pursue the visual arts without continued academics

A common belief exists that art is somehow a magical calling, that only a certain elite can achieve. Artists, however, know that art is work, and it takes work to make our endeavors appear effortless. The artist has not been ordained by a higher calling, he’s simply committed himself to a different genre of work.

When the conversation, “what do you do?” comes up, the occasional comment from the asker reads something like this, “I used to love art! My favorite was drawing. But you know, I just couldn’t see myself getting a job in it.”

It’s true, work for artists is different. We need more than resumes. We need portfolios, strong networking connections, work ethic, and excellent self-motivation skills. The last four mentioned are dramatically important for artists who do not pursue academics, and likewise for those who do. Here are some reasons you might not want to pursue art in academic setting, and a few reasons why you might:

There’s a trend in academia world: academic artists tend to stay in academia for the rest of their career. The academic artist often has a goal to teach at the collegiate level, and hence why graduate programs make sense for such an individual. Entrepreneurial artists on the other hand, have a dilemma: they likewise need space, time, and network to build excellent work and reputation. Yet the entrepreneurial artist doesn’t necessarily need extra debt to begin a business. Read what the bloggers from printeresting have to say about this topic for more about weighing your options.

From a personal perspective, I would love to go to graduate school to further my artistic career. However, since I started college, dollar signs have been the first in my foresight, and although I have much less than 10 years of debt now, I’m not ready to throw away my hard work at debt payoff by accumulating more. For the artist who choses not to take the advantages, and disadvantages of grad school right away, here are six steps essential to starting your endeavors.

So how to make headway on the art path without further education

These are methods I am currently putting into practice.

1. Keep a visual journal. Whether you’re a sculptor, a ceramicist, or a designer, keep a visual journal or sketchbook. You may say you’re no good at two-dimensional work—its still important to keep a sketchbook to write ideas. Think of it more as journaling everyday. The blank pages will come in handy when you have an idea you really need to lay out, just to get it out of your head or share with a friend or colleague. My ideas flow in my head when I’m driving, when I reach my destination, I am sure to have a book to catch it in.

I used to be embarrassed of journaling in mid-day, in a cafe full of business men on their lunch break. I embrace it now because I realize I’m just like any other worker, I’m not different. My work is different. But like the business men and women beside me, I’m still working, just of another kind. Accept what you do, don’t worry about the others. Sketch in mid-day, on the subway, train, office-lunch break, wherever and whenever.

Have more than one sketchbook. I currently use all of these listed:

• a 4×6″ agenda book that also has accumulated quotes, ideas, and hand-lettering sketches.
• paperback 5.8×7.8″ which is my primary journal and sketchbook, I don’t leave the house without this one.
• A 9×12″ I use for mostly drawings and minimal writing.
• An 11×14″ pad of tracing paper for refining my work. Typically when I’m in the refining process, I’ll think of another way to do something, so the tracing paper quickly becomes an extra sketchpad.
• I also have a larger drawing pad I use for conjuring large work, but I don’t consider this a visual journal/sketchbook.
• Yet another fifth, is an older sketchbook that still has a few pages left–I keep that one in the car at all times just in case I forget the others. This is just my personal method for keeping ideas flowing–other artists use mixed media compilations, collect images, hoard objects–do what you need to.

2. Make good work. Lots of it. Set a goal for a body of work you want to have. Set the goal in numbers: such as 6 paintings 30×40″ or larger, and 10 small 8×10″ paintings. Once you reach your goal amount from a new body of work, begin another.

If you work primarily in 3-demensional forms, have a similar number goal. Take excellent photos of your work.

I’m a printmaker. So it’s important for me to have work in various sizes, with various experimental techniques at play. I have dozens of small works to show off, however size and quantity really are relative to impact. So I am focusing my energy now on making a new body of larger works.

3. Talk to your artist friends. Not only will this invite stimulating art conversations, you’ll feel inspired to make work. Talking about work and thinking about work will eventually lead to making work.

Talk to your artist friends about art history, a recent article you just read, mediums, why you want to be an artist. Be proud of what you do. When you talk about your work, think of the best work you’ve done–then think about the work you want to do.

Encourage your friends, too. Mention the strengths of a favorite piece of theirs. These bonds of relationships do wonders.

4. Find studio space. One of the hardest things for me as an artist, is no longer finding the time to make work, but really the space. If I have a place to go to work, I’ll work. The basement method is only partially successful for me. The home in general plays a few psychological tricks on the mind–is the home working space, or do I have too many other “homey” things to work on (fixing the sink, cleaning the house, etc.)?

Designate a space in your home specifically for making work and nothing else if possible.

Talk to local gallery owners about your search for space, they could possibly connect you to someone who rents or they may actually offer what you need. This is where talking to your artist friends will come in handy.

Or you might even dare to move to one of these cities that are offering cheap studios for rent in return to beautify the city.

5. Get involved in an arts community. This is fundamental. Despite how supposedly introverted many artists can be, it is absolutely essential to get involved in an artist community. Divianart is a great place to start. And for some, it may even be their only arts community they’re involved. Be encouraged by the internet, and use as many networks as you can. Michael Cuffe has an excellent synopsis of how to use social networks to build your artist career for photographers, media personnel and artists alike (be sure to watch the full 1-hour lecture, and take notes in your visual journal).

Now, please try to experience real-world conversation. As special, helpful, and advanced the internet has become, and how much connective opportunity it allows, face contact is still a primary source for landing engagement and career opportunity. Find out what your city or town has going on, and if nothing exists, consider starting up the conversation to create physical art related experiences.

Volunteer your time to a community arts group, look up co-ops to become a member, offer to help a friend with their own project, or conjure a collaborative effort.

6. Expand your idea of “art”. Creating, conjuring, piling, publishing. Find related words to “art” and attach them to your other interests. For example, if you care about recycling and environmental efforts, consider simple methods to represent this. It could be as plain as piling field trash, and documenting the process/result. Don’t worry about whether or not the act has been done before by someone else. These are exercises to build reputation and a sense of portfolio; find a way to blog, record, and somehow share these art expansions–they are proof that you are still working despite possible less than ideal life situations.

Don’t worry about using “your medium”–make the world your medium—really, use whatever materials come your way. Just make sure you do it, and find a way to show it to someone else. These are exercises to build reputation and portfolio work. Find a way to blog, record, and somehow share these ex

Emotions, let’s get ’em straight

I see no reason to denounce the existence of emotions, I will put them in view and maybe even a little exaggerated. Not chide at them–which leads to shame and a deeper brokenness of who we are. Acknowledge the emotional with careful, critical examination.

That pang felt in the chest, that emotional heart-string playing. It plays in expectation, and it plays even louder when the filler vanishes. Its a want, a desire for something. The pang comes from a sense of loss. And if the moment had turned to years and still ended, it would resonate more, but there’s no denying of the uncomfortable feeling–that the felt pressure in the chest and in the mind, is a metaphor and a reality, of some loss.

There’s no denying loss has an incredible forward impact on us, leading us to be emotionally stronger, relationally wise, and to inspire the countless great works most noticable by artists of all kinds. I certainly embraced my (unmethodical) emotions in my college years, using them for subjects of my art–consequently represented through my half-assed efforts (all after wasted hours of anxiety and worry over appropriate subject matter in the first place). Though I didn’t always know how to articulate my work so clear, I understood the undeniable importance for releasing my heart’s concerns into a piece—even though after the work was finished—-I felt a disconnect from it— a detachment. I’m a purger. Get the meaning out of my system; I no longer feel it’s part of me. I can move on.

I often have a hovering sense of fear though, it’s almost like I’m ashamed to admit the emotional weakness in me through explaining my work. In other words, I’m often afraid to admit I have weaknesses, I’m also afraid to expose the weaknesses of others represented in my work. I could blame this fear on our culture’s rather dry, hard-grit-get-over-it rationales; also the fact that our society (truly, most societies) tend to ignore the helpless–blaming their failure on poor choices, rather than encourage solutions. The emotional are weak. And it’s a blame game, and I shamefully admit that I blame, too.

To make a short final thought, I see that really, to get over all this perceived stigma and fear, all I (we, as human beings) need to do is explain our thoughts, what it is we’ve been through. Expression is innate, and we were made to share. It’s very necessary to get over fear and share plainly our experience.

Listening to: Jesse Marchant, “Reminders, Defeats” album Jesse Marchant.

Reading: Humans of New York recent posts, and If These Walls Could Talk: Community Muralism and the Beauty of Justice by Maureen H. O’connell

Felt and Realized Pressures

There’s an immense sense of pressure I feel, and others feel that I have conversed with these past few months. The pressure is in varied degrees and also forms. I will list them.

The pressure from a calling

My brother and I discussed this “pressure” to be like a calling, a desire we have that we must fulfill. We share similar ideas; our conversations almost always reflect our passions for social change, a story he wishes to tell through film, or an image I wish to represent visually. So this pressure is felt in our chests and lingers on our minds, its building up and we feel a need to act now. Making moves towards that here, as I write this post.

The pressure of desire

I discussed with my friend the sense of pressure she feels to “find someone”, a partner she can share her life with, as if someone else was instating she must do so quickly. I suppose, her ideal reality is calling her to this, that the feeling is probably what she most desires, and therefore seeks to fill. Her and I, being in true sense, extreme opposites of one another, I can’t say I feel the same pressure, and yet I do feel it at the same time. There’s a constant pull between personal responsibility and personal comfort.

The pressure of change

Yet with another, we discussed the buildup in the air, like change was in it. The current smell of dissatisfaction in the normal grid–people realizing there are actually margins, and that we can use them–we can write or draw or sing to them, even spill our coffee, and how exciting that is to do. The grid is beautiful in a way, too, but we shouldn’t be succumbed to it. It has its flaws, fundamental ones. The problem with the grid is it doesn’t allow things to grow naturally, its a force and a wall, a system–it gets in the way of the drawings and spilled coffee to be represented beautifully. So systems use a lot of resources by using a lot of processes. And we’re in a big mess, we have big grids everywhere that use and abuse, we’re really trapping people and we have been as far as history examines, but I don’t think this is an excuse. If you feel this pressure then surely make use of it. We can make better use of the grid.